i heard ur voice n i cld feel de tears. it broke mi heart dear. reali. we both noe he's in a better place now. but i feel so fuckin useless. wads de point. i cant be dere for u. n i feel lyk killin miself for tt.. ='(( i want more den anythin to be wid u. i wana be de shoulder. all i can sae is dat i love u. but wads de point if i cant show it. but u mean de world to me. ur abt de onli thing tt constantly keeps me goin. i'll be here for u. i swear. tear all u want. i still believe ure a strong boy. but i had lil time to react. den we hung up. n i was in a total shock. i was still groggy frm slp. den i started cryin. i duno whye.. i jus cried n cried. till mi eyes swelled mi my nose is all stucked. n my voice choked. im sori im sucha crybaby. but i wanna-be-wid-u. pls oh dear god, dats de onli place where i wanna be. rayer has lost its spirit. i dun feel lyk it animore. i jus wanna give u one big n long hug. =''''((( i shud stop cryin. haiis. ah.. heck. i can cry all i want. i dun care. haiis. my eyeliner is all smudged. n i look scary. but i dun care. i wana show u i love u. i reali do syg.. oh god. im cryin again..

I LOVE U, EARL.

n heather, thx for evrythin.. i miss u..