If you wanna leave because our stagnant relationship has been hurting you, then do go.


I know I've told you that "I'm not like other Mly girls" and that's still true. But I will admit though, I'm stopping myself for superficial reasons... Cos at the end of the day, I'm just an 18 year old. I'm fucking selfish I know, but if you were to give me some time... Argh.


If we met two years ago, when I was less reckless and ready for a real relationship, maybe it would have worked out. But not now. I'm at a point of my life where I... (fuck, I can't believe it's come to this..) I just want to have fun..


I've been hurt and my heart trampled over and over again for the past two years. I know you're nowhere near like that *controlling myself from flying off in rage* GUY but the possibility of having to go through that again... Argh. Ain't gonna happen.


Even though I know I'd probably regret letting you go now, I also know it's for the best. If we were to go on, I'd keep on hurting you and that's selfish. You get the drift.


You have no idea how many times you've picked me up when I was down. (I mask it pretty well, I'd say) You have no idea how many times your voice has made me laugh when I was crying in depression just moments before. For what it's worth, you've been the sweetest guy to me. Fucking sweetest and nicest. I swear to God.


Thank you for everything. And I'm sorry I fucking wasted your time.. ='(


*


I knew that I'd have to expect this one day. That you will wake up and realize I'm of no use to you. That I can't offer you anything. But I didn't expect that these tears would come. I didn't expect that I'd feel hurt too.


It's okay. My feelings don't matter.


My heart is free for all to trample on. ='(


*


Family chalet til Tuesday. Goodbye world.

Labels: What heartbreak feels like.

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