THERE YOU GO VICTIMISING YOURSELF AGAIN.

i'm sick of your fucked up attitude khai. seriously. I TURNED MY BACK ON YOU? please okay. scolding you to wake up is always the first thing that i tend to do. you mean all these while i listened to you whine, listen to you curse at nas (even though she is still my girl) when you ALWAYS GET THE STORY WRONG, i'm not being a friend? do you remember that i told you "i'll msg you when i get home. my batt is dying." FYI, i didn't make that up. then you told me that it's ok. you'd rather talk it out with someone else or something like that. FOR A SEC THERE, I ALMOST WASTED MY TIME BY BEING CONCERNED, again. so whose turning whose back on who?

and when i said bigger problems, i mean BIGGER PROBLEMS. you know like FAMILY or MONEY. FYI, the problem i was referring to isn't about seth. oh please, he's such a darling he's barely a problem to me anymore.

YES, i told you to come to me when you've decided to talk maturely. AND THEN WHAT? you back out? huh? where's the freaking logic in that? when i was ready to be nice, you pushed me away. i was so disgusted, i didn't even want to bother to reply okay.

FYI, real friends tell it as it is and then BE NICE.

and i'm really grateful for your help during those terrible times with seth. i really am. but just so you know, i swear i really was about to lend you my listening ear when you slapped me with a big fat rejectful thanks-but-i-don't-need-your-help. so not my wrong in that. and you might have experienced heartbreak on a scale i've never been on, but that doesn't mean i don't KNOW A SHIT ABOUT WHAT A HEARTBREAK IS. and who died to give you the title of the king of relationships huh? please lah, i only share the heavier relationship problems with heather okay. just because i don't tell you anything, doesn't mean seth and i are perfect. or that i'm 100% happy with him.

and you know something. there are things that i don't say to you. things i don't want to tell you, cos i know it'll hurt your feelings even though you're not to blame. just stuff that i found out, say now, for what right. some people care, without having to SAY it. i feel so dumb for keeping quiet. you see, cos if i told you everything, you won't even have self esteem to speak of.

enough already.

seth's last 17th birthday was errr... i have no idea how to describe it. baby, i love you and all.. but that night was just really weird lah. i finished work at 6 and met him. he was so upset with his father's erm.. shoutings and it's FINALLY taking a toll on him. god, i dunno how he can stand him sometimes. that boy's heart must be made of steel.

then like.. weird lah.. he's the bday boy and i know things haven't been looking up for him lately, and the least i could do was be nice. then he started to... =(

but i tried my best.. AND I DID IT! WOOHOO! finally managed to make him agree to go seoul garden as planned. (he cancelled out on me at first. !!!!!) see, and i made sure he had a spanking good time for a few hours before he has to go to war again. ok, go home i mean. maaaaan... the food was great but we were sooo stuffed that we were super duper high man. he told me i sang him the bday song twice! huh?! i sang??!! that's not the point. the last thing i remember is him pushing me into 168 and i knocked off the moment the seat hit my butt.

when i reached home and washed up abit, i suddenly feel so embarassed with my behaviour just a few hours before. man, so paiseh can! i think there's alcohol in the tom yum soup.

WORK WAS FAAAAAB. the more experience, the better! i like the job. even though the first day was pure torturous hell, it got better everyday. and when i finally seem to get a grip on standing around serving shoppers, IT WAS ALREADY SUNDAY! sold mens underwear. heh heh heh. FUN SIAL! you know, nas and i kept trying to make the mat reps feel uncomfortable. haha. when actually there's nothing wrong in buying boxers or underwears yourself. lol. and oh god, how i push all the indians to nas. SORRY. hahaha. it was really really fun while it lasted. and i just LOVE how non-comittal it was. and the people working there are all nice! more than half of the people were from china. and i tell you, they're never mean lah. unlike some snotty singaporean chinese colleagues i used to have. man, i feel like slapping their face with the pizza dough.

anyhoos, I MISS HEATHER! and i just realised that i haven't been talking to afiz or any of the guys for that matter. i'm not so much planning to spend all the money that i made. save. save save save for the rainy day. or rather, when seth pours bucketful of water on me. haha.

and for seth, i've decided to finally (try to) let go of what happened. he wants to move on. and even though my conscience is telling me to leave him, i know thats stupid. hah. so yeah, love will always be love.

just woke up from quality two digit hours of sleep. seth is at climb now, and OH MY GOD, his body is so hot. i've never touched real abs my whole life. (still yet to) except for that one lucky mannequin me and nas totally molested. HEH. put up pics girl! don't forget! heh.

and i'll post up some soon. til then, take care. MISS YOU WOO MEI YI! heh. ciao-