Reading through my old stuff. Because today I miss her.. And I missed her (lol sometimes fucked up but I still love her) writing. She was the strongest candle. Unwavering even in the stormiest weather. And she has my respect for that. Truly do miss you..


There are a million unpublished posts for my blog. And more often than not, they contain my deepest feelings which I feel are too private for the world to read haha. And also the angriest and sweetest things. And then I found this:

"Tears are inevitable. Your name is enough to set my heart racing. But I do notice that it's somewhat dwindling. I guess it's only natural because of "moving on". But looking through our pictures today, I smiled among the tears. I realize I could still see we were happy at a point in time. I could see that you loved me. And I know that I was the happiest girl on Earth and it matters more that at least it happened and we were in love. And maybe you were even proud of me at a point. And that you have said you love me. It still hurts that it's over but I know that I can still happy and live with the fact that I was once yours even though we weren't meant to be. I can see on your face that you're going through a tough time. And maybe I'm doing slightly better but I guess it's been an instinct to want to take care of you. When I see how hard things get for you, I want nothing more than to hug you tight and let the beat of my heart and the flesh of my skin be proof that I'm here for you. I can only wish for such things."

Sorry that it's so long.. Haha. But aren't I so sweeeeet! That was written in January last year and for some reason, I didn't want to publish it.


It's hilarious that it's another year on but everything that I've said still applies. Even after all the boyfriends, all the drama, it always comes back to you. My life is such a joke.


Honestly, if I was strong enough to let him go like he didn't matter to me, I FUCKING WOULD. Like an optimist at its worst, I always hold on to the last shreds of hope, no matter how dim the glimmer of happiness is... A glimmer is a glimmer, it's still something. But there is only so much I can take right. Some day I'm sure to reach a moment where I feel my heart has been trampled on enough.


Sial ah, why am I still here for you when you're never there for me?


My life's biggest mystery: W T F do I see in him?


Off to ponder. Ciao~

Labels: I'm not sad, just wondering.

__________________________________________________________________________