and what sucks the most is that our 27th is just a few days away...

so he said its positive he likes her. so he said shes pretty.

but that was what he told his friends. what he told me, is because he missed the guys and he wants to spend more time with them like he used to last time. wait, that's an under statement. he wants to spend 100% of his time with them. ok. we're on a break, time out, etc.

so this girl is from his primary school.

so i call azip, cos they are from the same pri sch, duh. and i needed a really mature friend to talk to anyways.. so we talked and talked.

i told him how suicidal i was when i woke up this morning.. like majorly my-life-is-over-i-have-nothing-else kind of suicide. but i know its haram, and i should control myself. i will not let my feelings control me.

then he told me that since we were on a timeout, there is no use that i mourn around myself when he's havin fun somewhere. after all, he can't feel what i'm feeling. he can't see that my heart is slashed through the middle and bleeding out my eyes. so why should i be so depressed when its only gonna make ME feel worse but not him. right?

and i've always lived by the fact that i hate weak people. and i know for one, that I AM STRONG.

i will get by this. i will control my life. i feel like giving that boy a biiiiiiig hug. cos he really made me realise (through his own experience) that life has more to offer. well, easy for him to say since he's got looks. but moi, i've got personality. since seth wants to be single (for now, apparently), i can live the single life too. i can fool around have fun with my dear heather and nassie. plus, i can make new friends, guys and girls too. but nothing serious.

he wants to busted me, he wants to be a coward by not talking to me face to face or even ON THE PHONE, he wants to run away from troubles and not talk maturely to work things out, he wants to be the person that i was to dan, its ok. because i am strong. i will try my best.

now that i will start in an environment where no one knows me, i can be crazy. unleash the inner.... i can't find the word. heh.

but yes, i'm still waiting for seth. even before he asked for this time out, i already told him to put this behind us and i've forgiven him. i can't make myself forget the years that we knew each other. as friends and together. it's hard, but i can make it work for MYSELF.

he says the other girl is not to blame cos she didn't do anything to encourage him or what. but right now, i don't know which is it is the truth or a blatant cover-up lie. but if i do find out the truth, and i don't like it, you will see DRAMA. no one gets my guy without my permission, even if he let her.

i will stand up for my dignity.

i will blog about the TP orientation camp in a bit. one word, ROCKED. and anyone who reads my blog, i need your support man.. i know i sound abit despo but whatever, tag something to make me feel better. if you shy shy anonymous oso can.. heh. i don't wanna feel so alone.

if all else fails, i will turn lesbian. haha. CHEH!

and people, this is the worst few days of my life. i'm dead sick, i was in a FOUR-DAY camp and my long time bf feels like leaving me. it can't get worse than that.

and nad, i want to talk! so come online! ciao-