I know you're close to me and all that. But that doesn't mean it gains you access to my head. You don't know how I feel inside.


Like the situation with my Dad. You can say "I know how you feel" but you really don't. You don't know how tough it is living without a dad around. I miss him so much and I can still bawl thinking about those times we had to say goodbye at the airport. And wondering when's the next time we were gonna see him again.


You can only imagine. And that's the most you can understand. You don't know how hollow it is to show up at family gatherings without your dad do you?


Bottomline is, you just can't really understand how I feel. So please don't be insensitive and say something like, "If I were in your shoes, I will just get on in life."


You're insulting me because you think it's so easy. You think I'm making a big deal out of "nothing". You think I'm being petty.


But honey, you don't really know what I've been through.


And anyways, all of the above is putting the situation in a different context. Just another example for you in hope that you will understand.


Another example. If your best friend steals your boyfriend, can you really trust her with your next boyfriend? I don't think so. Best friends don't do that. Cos when you've broken a huge amount of trust, it takes double the trouble to build up the trust again.


And if you're the betraying bestfriend as of the example above, you can't just say, "Oh yes I will, I will trust my bestfriend if I'm in your shoes.."


Okay, end of a long winded story. Look..


Babe is it so much for me to ask for you to cut ties with her? You can have as many other girl friends as you want. But just not her please.. I associate her with so much hurt and distrust.. Even the mention of her name. And it's not like it's something personal with her in particular.


And she kinda went over the boundary of "just a friend" when you told me you even almost wanted to leave me for her.


It's simply too hard for me. I've still yet to come to terms with some stuffs and if you say you love me, just please make this easier for me.. The anniversary is coming nearer and I'm trying so much harder to really forget the past, I swear. I haven't succumbed to stalking her anymore. (Exaggeration cos I merely read her blog..) And man that was hard for me.


You know me. I like to keep tabs on everything. I liked to know where she was working, where she was schooling just so I know for sure she won't interfere with our lives anymore, accidental or not. So the step I took, to let go of everything related to her, was a huge one. So you see, I am trying.. I don't want to dig the past. Or ungkit kisah lame to put into terms you understand.


Look sayang, I love you and I do trust you but there are some ways you can help me move on, so please understand okay? Please? =/


***


Things are getting emotional around here eh? And Heather babe. I love you and even if he's not around, (choy arh!) I will be the one gettin you presents and hugs and even kisses if you want okay?


I'm looking forward to 2008. A fresh new slate.


Ciao-

Labels: sigh

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